10 Parenting TipsTo Bring Out Your Boys-Best!10 Parenting Tips will deepen your understanding that...The job of children is to: try out a wide range of behaviorsAnd... The job of parents is to: interpret those behaviors and feelings for them and then guide them into a socially acceptable range... Think That May Sound Easier Than It Really Is?!Here's Hope!Choose one or two of these 10 Parenting Tips to begin to bring out your Boys-Best! Begin slowly and soon you'll be surprised by the change! Remember to give yourself grace as you practice and fine-tune your technique.Ready?!10 Parenting Tips...1. Define the problem.When you define a problem together, you will be amazed at your boy's creativity in finding solutions. Brainstorm simple, clear rules together. Remember to set and agree on the consequences, too. Posting them in written form will facilitate non-verbal reminders when necessary. Then,its up to you to enforce them fairly and consistently. And be sure you are an example of following the same rules that have been set. 2. Gesture only. Boys key into physical gestures more than long-winded verbal instructions. Simply gesture to the rule as it has been posted or gesture to the infraction. For example, gesture towards the door that has been left open. 3. One word. And one word only! Resist filling in details, it overwhelms your boy's ability to process what you're saying. Speak firmly and calmly, choosing nouns rather than verbs. "Jacket." (Dads do this much more naturally than moms.) 4. Give information. Repeat the rule again, as information. Keep your voice neutral as you describe specifically what needs to happen. “We can go to the park as soon as your clothes are picked up off of your floor and put into the hamper.” 5. State how you feel (and then drop it). You are teaching boys an emotional vocabulary as you describe your feelings. Do this in a neutral voice and then take a deep breath and move on. “I was disappointed when I came home and saw that your chores weren’t done. [shift voice tone] I'm looking forward to going to the park with you when you're done.” 6. State expectations in the positive. Rather than telling your boy what you don't want him to do, before you speak to him, ask yourself: “What do I want instead?” 7. State what needs to happen. When you can describe in simple, clear detail what specifically needs to be done, your boy will be able to follow through. Be sure to focus on the object rather than the person. "I want you to take the plates from the table and put them in the dishwasher before you leave the kitchen." 8. Write it down. Post the rules in a visible place, refer to them with a gesture. When you want to praise your boy, write a note or card, which allows you time to think about what you want to say and allows him a chance to digest what you've said. "I saw how you stopped your game to play with your baby brother today. You helped me be able to cook dinner for all of us!" 9. Adjust your boy's outer environment. Are your boy’s physical needs being met? Boys are easily overstimulated and guard against it by acting out. A quiet, simple environment will support your boy’s development. Be aware that children take in images and words literally, with no ability to filter. Media images, including video games, have long term impacts on behavior, stress, learning disorders, and social adjustment. 10. Feed your son’s inner life. Staying connected may take more time and more patience but its important that all adult’s in the boy’s life persist. Provide healthy male role models in real life and through literature, movies and other arenas. Remember to acknowledge all of his feelings while setting limits on his behavior. Enlisting his help in finding a solution will redirect his behavior. "I see how you can get frustrated when your brother crashes your block tower down but its still not okay to hit him. What's another way we could keep your brother from doing that?" Now, That's Do-Able, Right?!Some of these 10 Parenting Tips come from a book by Lucinda Neall, Bringing the Best Out in Boys, Communication Strategies for Teachers available at Hawthorn Press or www.steinerstorehouse.comAs a wise man once said...
Hear Blog Talk Radio Interviews with Janet about Boys
|
