Managing BehaviorManaging behavior of children is a frequently asked question by parents. When babies become toddlers, behavior changes and more "management" may be needed. Remember, though, that it is necessary for discipline to be established first. (See Discipline page). Coming from the root word of disciple, discipline provides children with a role model of behavior to lovingly follow. Begin With The Family......rather than focusing on the child who may be having behavior difficulties. Ask yourself these questions:
Any changes - obvious or subtle - may have an effect on your children's behavior. Remember...you can only change yourself, and that begins with your awareness of changes in yourself and your family. 10 Tips for Managing BehaviorThese tips for managing behavior will apply to different ages and stages. Having lots of 'tools' in your parenting toolbox will give you flexibility in many different situations. 1. Offer A Distraction Children, especially young children, live in the present moment. Invite them to try an alternate activity or toy. If your child is upset, bring them close to you and engage them in the activity that you are doing, which will calm them. 2. Be Firm, Be Kind Children need to try out a wide range of behaviors. Your task as parent is to help guide them to socially acceptable behavior. By providing clear expectations of behavior and firm boundaries, in a kind and loving way, you are providing them with the building blocks to managing their own behavior in the future. Accepting that you may have to repeat rules and reminders defuses your frustration and decreases nagging. 3. Take Action Children respond to action more than they respond to words. If you find your words are ineffective in managing behavior, guide them to do the action with you. 4. Logical Consequences It is important for children to experience consequences. If a child throws sand at another child, it is logical that they may not play in the sand for a time. Be sure to explain the consequence simply yet firmly. 5. Time-Out Use time-outs sparingly as a way of managing behavior. Rather than isolating the child in another room, invite them to sit next to you on the floor or in a rocking chair. Being near you will calm them (assuming that you are calm). Encourage your child's quick recovery by saying that you are waiting for him to be ready to do the next activity, or that you'll miss him while you're doing an activity. Reassurance and encouragement from you will lessen the time needed away from activities. 6. Parent Time-Out Sometimes it may be you who needs the time out. Model for your child: explain what you're feeling (in 'I' statements) and what you are going to do to take care of yourself. Leave the room and return when you are ready. 7. Interpret As children discover new behaviors, they may need reminding about how to behave. You are the interpreter of social and emotional situations. Speak specifically about what you are observing, stating what you can see, hear, or feel. 8. Speak With Conviction, Not Anger When you are relaxed and breathing low and deep into your belly, your voice will communicate conviction and certainty. When you are stressed and emotional, your breathing becomes high and shallow and your voice communicates anger and lack-of-control. Occasionally, you will have to use that 'other' voice...especially where safety is concerned...and then it will have the impact it needs. 9. Asking "Why?" Children ask this question often. Sometimes your response may be as simple as, "Hmm...I wonder about that too..." or your response may be, "Because I love you and that is how we do it in our family." 10. Consistency Being in agreement with your parenting partner enables both parents to be consistent. Consistency gives children security and confidence. If you want to change a decision, wait until the next time to amend it. Stay consistent in the moment. Go from Managing Behavior back to Parenting Advice From Mom Home Page
|
