SiblingsBrothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet...The relationship of siblings can be complex and yet it is unavoidable as illustrated in this Vietnamese proverb. Sibling Friction...Brothers and sisters offer the opportunity to explore relationships in a unique and enduring way...and friction between them is normal.However, the intensity of learning this vital aspect of being in relationship with another person may drive you crazy! The friction will ebb and flow over the years...and often becomes more noticeable in times of change...such as the arrival of a new baby, a change in parental relationships or moving.
Sibling Togetherness...Like all of us, brothers and sisters may simply get tired or overwhelmed with too much togetherness.Helping them to develop separate friends and separate interests is vital...and having separate time with each parent is important, too! When siblings have spent time apart, they may find they actually enjoy each other more when they come back together!
Sibling Squabbles...Its not necessary to get involved in every sibling squabble. When you do decide to get involved...follow these tips...
Tips for Handling Squabbles
Normal BickeringSituation Heats Up1. Start by acknowledging their anger towards each other. This will relieve tension and they can begin to calm down. 2. Listen to each child’s side of the event with respect. 3. Show appreciation for the difficulty of the problem. 4. Express your faith in their ability to work out a mutually agreeable solution. 5. Leave the room. 6. Congratulate them later on their ability to resolve the problem. Give them specifics, "I noticed that you decided to put the game away and go outside to play instead." Possibly Dangerous Situation1. Ask, “Is this a play fight or a real fight?”(play fights are permitted, real fights are not) 2. Let the children know that play fighting is by mutual consent only. If it isn’t fun for both, it must stop.
Definitely Dangerous Situation1. Describe what you see in specific terms. “I see two very angry children who are about to hurt each other.” 2. Separate the children for a cooling off period. 3. Later, discuss the situation and brainstorm solutions for what to do the next time. Your children are surprisingly creative so be sure to listen to their ideas and incorporate yours thoughtfully. SharingSharing is often an area of conflict and is difficult to ‘force’...Try these methods instead:1. Put the children in charge of sharing. “I have one bottle of bubbles, what’s the best way to share it?” 2. Point out the advantages of sharing. “If you give him half of your red crayon, and he gives you half of his blue, you can both make purple!” 3. Allow children time to process inwardly. “Lucy will let you know when she is ready to share.” 4. Show appreciation for sharing when it happens. “Thanks for sharing your cookie with me. It was yummy.” 5. Model sharing. “I want to share some of my carrots with you.”
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